I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
