two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
