Ambien. No doubt about it.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
