just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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