I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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