weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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