Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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