I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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