New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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