i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
they're like a gay fantastic four
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
