Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
