How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
