This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
