I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
