Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
