I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
