So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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