I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
