Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just forgot I was standing up.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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