Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
