oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
