I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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