i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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