I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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