i don't like sucking hair
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
