As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
