Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
