Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
