Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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