K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
