I am spending my child support on dildos
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
