So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
