Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
