1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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