yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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