I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he told me I talked like a deaf person
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
