God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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