is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
