last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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