New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
