i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
