i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
