Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
