i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
