oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
