i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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