Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
