Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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