i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
