I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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