I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
