What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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