She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
