i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
