RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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