I wannas sexs uuuuu
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
