my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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